Jerry Maguire: How do I spin this?
Avery: Honey, it’s spun!
Jerry Maguire: What did I do to you?
Avery: It’s all about you, isn’t it? “Soothe me, save me, love me.” I have to finish my job.
Jerry Maguire: Everything is on the run with us.
Avery: We are salespeople. We sell. It’s not “trust my handshake.” It’s “make the sale. Get it signed.”
Jerry Maguire: Welcome to my nightmare.
Avery: Is honesty outlawed here?
Jerry Maguire: I would prefer loyalty.
Avery: Our deal was the brutal truth.
Jerry Maguire: I think you added the “brutal.”
Avery: There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don’t have it. I don’t cry at movies, or gush over babies. And I don’t tell a man who just screwed up, “Oh, poor baby.” But I love you.
* * * * *
OK, you’ve been dumped.
Here are the next five stages: 1) Pout. 2) Retrace every dumb thing you’ve done. 3) Listen to Usher songs. 4) Annoy your friends with more pouting, retracing and Usher songs. 5) Move on.
Time’s up for the WAC. If you’re the WAC, you make sure the six remaining members stay put. Then you go out and invite every school that even daydreams about Division I-A status. Travel subsidies? Sure. Entry fee? Waived. Whatever it takes. Hey, the WAC should even ask ESPN for help. There’s a two-year window to add two teams. The WAC is on the clock.
If you’re UH, forget the independence thoughts. I thought it was a good idea, too, until I head the national talk-show hosts yesterday. It is better to be in a conference: guaranteed games, trophies, all-star nominations that look good on resumes. The WAC has been good to UH, but why not also make a pitch to the Mountain West? UH can offer travel subsidies, emphasize the Hawaii exemption, and give up the automatic entry into the Hawaii Bowl. UH could also offer the Mountain Pacific Sports Federation model. In the MPSF, all of the California teams play home-and-home matches during the season. The polar teams — BYU and Hawaii — don’t. Instead, for instance, UH and Long Beach State will play each other twice in Long Beach this year and twice in Hawaii the following year. The same format is used in WAC softball. It’s less of a hardship when a team has to play in Hawaii every other year. UH also can offer to give up a guaranteed share of any national TV contract. Instead, it could agreed to be paid only when it appears on national TV. And, when all else fails, it could ask ESPN for help.
The final episode of “Sports Night” is called “Quo Vadimus.
Dana: Can I have everyone’s attention please? We just have minutes before air. I know most of you have heard by now, but we’ve been sold to a company called Quo Vadimus. I don’t know what our future is anymore. I know there’s things that I’m supposed to be saying to you right now, but I don’t know. I don’t even know… I don’t even know what the hell Quo Vadimus means. Does anybody know what Quo Vadimus means?
Jeremy: It means ‘Where are we going?’
Dana: Well, that’s fine but… what?
Jeremy: It’s Latin, it means ‘Where are we going?’
* * * * *
On a happier note, happy birthday to Kortney Kikiloi-Borthwick.